January 5, 2010

...and I started with the best intentions...

It has been awhile, so much having happened in the month and a half since I started this written retrospection.

Well, I successfully turned Twenty Nine, no major disasters, breakdowns or traumas associated with the day or the milestone. I don't feel much different, surprisingly. I think the primary reason for this is that I refuse to own the idea that I am now closer than ever to reaching the dreaded shhh...three-oh.

My birthday was actually what I thought was going to be the best day of my life. My wonderful husband bought me the 90th Anniversary Kitchen Aid--candy apple red and B-E-A-UTIFUL! The day was otherwise uneventful until that evening when preparing to go to dinner.

Having felt "off" for a few days, and given the fact that I was late for you know what, I opted to get a pregnancy test. positive What? positive Really? yes Oh my.... To provide a little bit of history, my husband and I have been trying to conceive unsucessfully for just over two years now. Been through a surgery, infertility treatments, medicine, injections...etc, etc.... No sucess. REALLY?

You can see why I would label the day as "potentially" having been the best day of my life. I cautiously celebrated the irony of the possibility. Took another test the next morning POSITIVE and cried in my husband's arms.

Called my specialist Monday morning...schedule a blood test. Check. Get results...wait until Tuesday. Tuesday morning...get period, get results..."You have had a Chemical Pregnancy." AKA, a miscarriage. You were approximately 5-6 weeks along. Something wasn't right somewhere. Wow...really? And so I cried in my husband's arms...and looked ahead to the coming year.

December flew by. I think that it might have been literal...FLEW by.

After mourning our loss, my husband made the executive decision to acquiesce (sp?) to my 3 year request for a dog...and so came Stash, who is the joy of our lives. Our baby. Weird? Maybe. Do I care? Not at all.

My boys are lying beside me right now and I am looking at them as they sleep with love that is so deep. Who knew? Love is perfect.

I am pausing for today to take them and put them both to bed.

My deepest apologies for the abrupt ending, and Most pleasant sweet dreams I wish you...

Aubrey